It's Friday...

...I am working and my sweet husband is at the deer lease. I am actually thankful to be at work because I am so terribly lonely for him that I think being at home would be unbearable. Stephen and I do not do "apart" very well. Or we do well for the first few hours but beyond that we are lost.
I am doing good with the swimming! It is such a relief. Today I pushed myself to do a few extra laps. It is an incredible feeling to be in the water. Truly I am on the right path now. And BONUS...my feet aren't killing me! They are still a little tight when I wake up and I still have to spend most of my time in sneakers but I can live with both of those little inconveniences.
It rained lots today but I LOVE rainy days especially when they bring some much needed cooler weather! It almost feels like October outside. Cold weather always lightens my mood. Maybe it's the approach of the holidays? Either way, it's a super nice change.

It took lots of guts...

...to stay in that swimming pool today. True to my word I woke up a little earlier than usual (2 p.m.) and got my rear to the gym. The pool has 3 lanes and only 1 was occupied so I was feeling good about being there. It's still a struggle to be in a swimsuit around other people but I got in the water as quick as possible and got to it determined to swim 10 laps. Here's how my thinking goes:
1- Okay, 10 laps, no biggie. Lets use the kickboard on the first one.
2- Just a little winded so this time freestyle
2 1/2- Why can't I remember how to breathe? I'm bailing out and doing the breaststroke
3- Backstroke
4- Why are there more guys showing up NOW!!
5- Okay, all 3 lanes full...maybe I should stop now?
6- Sure Mr. Speedo high school guy, we can share a lane.
7- Good Lord he swims fast...jerk
8- Backstroke seems to be the way to go.
9- Gotta stop and catch my breath. WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD??
10- Man there is really a crowd in here now...thank goodness I am DONE!

So, I did it. 10 laps isn't really alot but its a great start. I was very proud of myself and am determined to get serious again. Going back tomorrow and I am going to swim 11 laps!

Is it REALLY that hard?

No, it's not. It's not so hard to stay diligent and dedicated to a task or project. So why can't I get my act together and blog more often? It's not for lack of time. I have plenty of empty graveyard hours here at work. So, why? Well, I feel like I have been faltering a bit in ALL of my goals and plans and I don't want to talk/blog about it. BUT the only way to get back in the saddle is to think about all the great things that come with a healthier lifestyle. I did go back to the gym last week...once. I went and swam for about 40 minutes, thought I would die, and haven't been back. I am going to go back tomorrow. I will feel so much better. Right now I am feeling so lousy it isn't even worth mentioning. I guess we all struggle with a bit of depression from time to time. So, short and not so sweet but a blog entry none the less. I will update again tomorrow.

Welcome back...

I guess I took a good long summer break from the ole' blog! I haven't been in the right frame of mind for many many many things, blogging included. But I am back! I am feeling responsible and accountable for the things I do for myself and for my health. I have switched gyms because I am going to start swimming. Even riding the bike began to make the pain in my feet unbearable. It is sort of ridiculous but I haven't exercised in a month and my feet haven't been killing me like they were. Does that mean the plantar faciitis is gone? Hardly. Does that mean the answer is not exercising? Absolutely not. I am more determined than ever. But the doctor told me it may take getting into a swimming routine as a LAST RESORT to get in good cardio weight loss before having to have surgery. I have been slowly easing back into my weight watchers program as well. There is no excuse for failure because it isn't a hard program to follow. And it works. However I just got back from an awesome retreat to Hi Vali and we do not count points on vacation...period!! Too much fun had with cooking out and celebrating with friends and family. But back to the real world and my quest for a healthy, well balanced life.

TO HELL with More to Love...

I had heard rumblings about a new reality show that was going to start soon. I knew IMMEDIATELY that I had no intention of watching it as it was a dating show featuring a man who would meet and potentially date/love/marry a full-figured woman. Now, some may think this was a novel idea as big women are beautiful too and certainly there are SOME men out there who may find them (us) attractive. I knew watching this would be a bad idea but my dear husband wanted to watch anyway. I was ravenously angry (and had a stomach bug too so I was already feeling wretched) but he seemed to think I was taking things too seriously...and so we watched. First off, there are lovely women on the show. The guy seems like a nice enough guy and he seemed more than ready to make-out with as many of them as he could in his quest to find "true love". But for each woman they would show her freaking height and weight every time they were on the camera. COME ON!!!!! This made me sick. They don't do anything like that on the other reality shows. I have never seen them flash a woman's IQ or history of venereal diseases stats on The Bachelor. What the hell do their heights and weights matter if this dude is attracted to them? And the really difficult part was that most of these beautiful women really loathe themselves. There was a 23 year old talking about how much she wants an everlasting, no holds barred love and she feels like this is her last chance...at the ripe ole age of 23! A 34 year old woman was terrified to go back to her hometown a loser and didn't know if she would be able to survive another heartbreak. Tell me, how is this healthy? My husband made the comment that it must really suck to be one of the five who went home the first night. He seemed to think these women would feel like the lowest of the low. How sad and very possibly true. You know, before me my husband never dated a "full-figured" woman. I have seen pictures of his ex-girlfriends and believe me, it made me question what the heck he was doing with me. But that is what real love is. I was never ready for real love until I learned to love myself. I realized that while learning to accept God's love and forgiveness for living a very poor lifestyle throughout my 20's, I could never really love a man unless I learned to love myself EXACTLY HOW I AM. I have to look in the mirror every now and then just to remind myself that if God loves me I am certainly worthy of love. I am sure this all sounds a little crass coming from a happily married woman. However, as much as I hate the show...it's "labeling" of the contestants seems pretty close to reality.

Making Days Count...

...that is my challenge for the next few days. I am a terrible procrastinator. There are many things that I have put off and I am at the point where I HAVE to get things done. So rather than whine and cry about how hard it is to get things done when you work a schedule like mine I plan on making my time off count by taking care of business. Cleaning up, putting back together, and getting things checked out (namely my body) is all it's going to be until I go back to work next week. This should alleviate the ho-hum attitude I sport while I am working. Turning 34 means I need to get some things checked out health wise and I know that will put my mind at rest. So I am starting early today with the GYM, and I will report back tomorrow to see what all I accomplished while in a very good frame of mind.

Goals

I have been bummed out lately because I don't seem to be hitting my "little" goals. But now that I have had some time to think about my new lifestyle I realize that my goals need a little tweaking:
#1. I can't jog. My plantar facitis (heel spurs) simply will not allow it. This may change as I continue to loose weight but only by a little bit. The sad truth is bone spurs do not simply go away with weight loss. They may get to be less bothersome though so I am still hoping I will not have to have surgery for them. I did do a little jogging while on vacation at Hi Vali but I definitely paid for it as I hobbled around the next few days. I will have to stick to walking which everyone says is just as good. Twice while on vacation I woke up before everyone else and went for a 2 mile walk/jog...it was awesome. I have NEVER made it a point to exercise while on vacation so this was a huge deal to me.

#2. I need to wait a while before I bother with challenging my clothing choices. I wanted to be able to wear more "summery" clothes while on vacation. I did wear shorts a few times but I was very uncomfortable with the way I looked. I am just going to have to give myself more time and more lbs. lost before I test the "sundress" waters...there's still Labor Day! And we will be at Hi Vali again celebrating Ron and Marian's anniversary. So maybe a cute sundress for the END of summer?

After sulking and being a whiny baby most of last week I have been able to look at what I am doing and still find things to be proud of. It's just so hard because I want to see more. But slow and steady is what will make this a real life-changing accomplishment. I simply have too much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, a loving family and the most incredible friends. I have a house full of cats that are exceptionally affectionate and I am very thankful for all of them. And for the first time in a long time I am finding it easier to talk to God. And I mean really talk to Him. Not the typical "Thank you for this day..." which is how I used to pray. I am re-learning how to converse with the Most High God. This above all things is what I am happy about right now.

Snap out of it!!

Could this funk I am in really just be hormones? I don't like to play the "hormone" card but I can't find another excuse for feeling so poopy! I am getting back "on point" as far as my eating and exercising. I did a pretty good job of getting some activity in on vacation which was a BIG accomplishment for me. And the weird thing is I can't even put it in words how I am feeling. Feverish? Achy? Fussy? Sad? All of the above. Well, hopefully it's nothing that a few days off can't cure. I am off for 3 (yippee), then back on for 9 (booooo!). I shouldn't complain, I have a great job. I get to hang out with my friends all night, listen to angry, loud music and complain about other people's stupidity ALL without the watchful eyes of a supervisor. It's really pretty freaking great most of the time. That's all I can come up with for now. I am looking forward to these few days off and HOPEFULLY a better attitude!

Dragging a** after vacation

I do not like the feeling that I need a vacation after my vacation. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time with family at the Frio River. It's nice to see everyone, fun to cook and eat (and DRINK) together. But somehow I feel worn out now that we are home. Maybe even bummed out? It makes no sense. I have that affliction where I want everyone to be happy and when they aren't I feel like I have some responsibility to help "fix" things. Which I can't do.
It's a twisted sort of arrogance I have about love and life. I have an amazing love that I am grateful for and humbled by daily. Stephen is the best thing about me and I cherish my place in this world as his wife. So, I sometimes feel like it's not fair that I have this great love and others don't. I'm not talking about everyone mind you. Ron and Marian have a beautiful love that should be envied. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are a stellar example of a powerful husband and wife team. Even my sweet parents, with the tumultuous marriage that they have had, awe me with their love and friendship after 35 years of marriage. So what's the point? I see trouble for others I love. I see red flags in their relationships. And it's pretty darn snooty of me to think I have a right to want to help "fix" things for them. SO, I keep my big mouth shut and worry myself over things that have nothing to do with me. And it makes me feel rotten.
See, I spent the better part of my 20's making a mess of my life. I lived through it and learned loads about myself and what God thinks of me. I promised myself that I would share my failures in hopes of helping others NOT make the same mistakes I did. But people have to make their own mistakes and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't know everything. But I know somethings. The night before Stephen and I got married I was struggling with things I didn't understand. So, I talked to someone I knew could answer my questions honestly. It helped a lot. It was hard to ask and hard to hear but worth it. I wish I could pass on the things I learned...but the people i am concerned about aren't asking for help.
This isn't making much sense. I'm tired and this lab is a freaking ice box!! Perhaps tomorrow will be a happier, healthier blog entry? We will see. Right now I just want to get through morning run and head home to crawl in bed.

Worn Out

After working 9 days straight for 11+ hours each night...I am worn out! Yesterday was my first day off and I slept for most of it. Stephen and I went out for a late dinner and a movie with our favorite people, Ron and Marian. We had already seen "The Hangover" but they hadn't and I kid you not, it was just as funny the second time around. It was a great impromptu date night. So, it's Sunday morning and we slept in. My Mom and Dad are coming over for a belated "Father's Day" dinner. So, while my honey is still snoozing I thought I would share something I heard about faith.
Faith is hard. I talk about having faith like it is easy, which is sort of arrogant on my part because I am the "ye" Jesus is talking about when He says "oh, ye of little faith". But today I was finally able to really understand where faith comes in to play where my weight loss journey is concerned. I have to act ahead of God's fulfillment of my goals. I have to lay a foundation before I can build the house...even if I don't have the materials to build the house yet. This really made me think about my efforts. I haven't really included God in my plans much and I don't really know how other than to believe that He wants me to be physically and mentally healthy. So, in faith I will strive do the things I know will lead me to where God wants me to be. These things are pretty simple: continue to exercise and eat properly. Faith though, is rarely simple.

Crazy computers

It has been a nutty night at work. We have been computer challenged for about 6 hours and that always makes for lots of little things being overlooked. So, I tried to give blood this morning. I have never been able to give blood. I have tried about 5 times. My hematocrit is always too low and it was too low this morning as well. Makes me feel like a reject somehow. I want to help the cute little kids on the commercials too! The girl who screened me gave a t-shirt anyway which makes it feel like I am cheating. It's is really cute and I was glad. Yeah, free t-shirts make me happy. I finally got a real full days sleep today and I felt great when I woke up. An even greater surprise was that it actually rained a little bit! We have been having some aweful heat and are suffering a terrible dry spell so this was really nice despite the fact that it was short lived. I sure wish we could get some rain at the Frio. I believe this is year 2 of the draught up there. Anyway, I have not forgotten that I need to post my picture before the end of the month in order to participate in the "Missouri 60". I just haven't had the opportunity to do it. I guess I could do a mirror pic of myself. I may try if it slows down up here tonight.

The Missouri 60

I hope I spelled that correctly. So, I am going to take part in an online challenge. Tony "The Anti-Jared" is hosting a challenge where you see how much you can change in 60 days. The clever title refers to Missouri, the "show me" state...sort of a "show me the changes in 60 days". I have been reluctant to post real pictures of myself because I hate pictures. I know, what chronically overweight girl doesn't? I have been putting it off, acting like I was going to dig out some pics of where I was 32.5 lbs. ago but since I am still far from my goal I may as well take some from now. I will then take some after 60 days. I think the Contest actually starts July 1st. This is a big deal to me, and not the easiest thing to do. See, pictures make you face what you already know to be true. When I don't look at pictures of myself I can imagine that I really don't look "that fat". But the truth is, pictures do not lie. Besides the only people who read my blog are people who love no matter what so whats the big freaking deal huh? So Crystal and Shelley, my partners in crime here in the lab, are going to take some pics of me tonight. Then I am going to try very hard to avoid diving into a pint of Ben and Jerry's...instead I am going to go the freaking gym again in the morning and not hate myself.

Just a quicky

I don't have a lot to say tonight. We've been busy here in the lab for a change. It's good because it makes the night go by faster. Personally I would rather have a slow night so I can sit on my rear and read my book. But that's the laziness in me. I had a good work out this morning. I made myself do a little extra cardio instead of ducking out of the gym as soon as my hour was up. It's funny because I tend to be in a much better mood when a push myself. I don't do it often mind you but I plan on doing it more. I guess it's the endorphins? Not sure, but I am not going to question it. I didn't sleep well at all today. I woke up after being asleep for 4 hours and I couldn't get back to sleep. Needless to say I WILL take a sleepy pill tomorrow and get my 8 hours!

So glad it's Sunday

The weekends at work are the hardest. They seem to never end. But it's Sunday night now and we will be on the downhill slide. I haven't wanted to eat very well the last few days. I didn't make it a point to stock up on produce so I am lacking in the veggie department. Eating veggies always makes me feel better so I am going to try and grab a few at the store in the morning. I have been in such a funky mood the last few days and have been unpleasant to my sweet husband for no good reason. Silly work stuff is stressing me out I guess and taking it out on him sure doesn't change anything. But he is the sweetest so I asked for forgiveness and he gave it to me. I am trying to plan a menu for the 4th of July. I have the extreme honor to get to cook for the Hardwick Clan on the 4th of July at the river and I am looking forward to that for sure. Cooking makes me happy, as does eating. So I really have to work my butt off at the gym the next few weeks so I don't fall off the wagon while we are out of town. I am also challenging myself to get up early each day we are there and get some activity points. Even if all I do is go for a walk. This is a new one for me because I have made it a habit to be extremely lazy when we are at the river. Well, other than when I am marathon cooking that is!

It's been a while my friend...

Wow, I am terrible at this! It's okay though. I am determined to keep at this blogging thing knowing that eventually it will become second nature. In fact, I vow to blog every night that I am at work. This being day 3 of a very long 9 day stretch means I will have to come up with lots to say. I am really only doing it for my own entertainment as no one else reads but Marian. But that's okay, its fun for all 2 of us! The past few weeks have been good on Weight Watchers and exercising. I have found that the "happy medium" for me is to go to the gym 4 days a week. I have gone 5 days in a row a few times but I tend to suffer more where my feet are concerned. I also had to give up on the treadmill. My doctor warned me that it would be too hard on my feet. Well, as usual I thought I was smarter than he was. I'm not and he was right. There was one day where I was pretty sure I was going to have to call in at work because I simply COULD NOT WALK. So I am dilligently doing all of my cardio on the bicycle. I am pleased, though it does seem a little too much like sitting on my butt. But hey, whatever works! I am officially down 32.5 lbs. I can't really see it. I can feel it though. I feel better. And I know that I am doing the right thing so I will trudge on.

Feeling BLAH...

...comes from missing Stephen. I love my job, and I hate to complain. But it is hard that for 7 nights straight he is sitting at home bored without me and I am up here thinking about how BADLY I want to be home with him. Just 1 more night after tonight. I am really looking forward to the end of June because I am taking 14 days off in a row!! 7 of those days will be spent having fun with the Hardwick clan at Hi Vali. Now, I must admit that I am a little disappointed in myself as far as my goals go. I am definatly not in swimsuit shape yet, and it will be a challenge for me to find some cute summer clothes that I feel confident in. I think I was just trying to rush myself down 50 lbs. I should know that fast won't cut it. But I am still very proud to be getting exercise. I have lost 6 more lbs in the last 4 weeks, which is still very good. Healthy, steady weight loss is the key to long-term success in Weight Watchers. I have had to curb my jogging enthusiasm though. My heel spurs were just too painful. Going to keep trying different things though. Never give up.

Queen Slacker

I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks now. Things have been a little nutso lately. So to make it short and sweet: I have done very well making it a point to go to the gym and stay there for an hour sweating my butt off. I am jogging about 6 minutes during my 30 minutes on the treadmill. I just had my last session with Karen, my trainer. She kicked my butt in order to leave a lasting impression! I am feeling very positive about things. I have been doing a good job of tracking my points and finding new foods to keep things interesting. My sweet husband has gone 36 days without smoking and I am loving him so very much for it. I am praising God for it. I want to spend as many years as I can loving Stephen and him not smoking tells me that he wants to stick around too. I can't believe that after 3 yrs. of sweet blissful marriage I can still say that I am continually falling in love with him. I am overcome with him, it's a fact. I never imagined that such a wonderful human being could ever love me the way he does...sigh, I miss him when I am working. Can't wait to get done at the gym this morning so I can go crawl in bed beside him and cuddle. After a good hot shower of course!

Back to work

Well, it was a short 6 days off. Stephen and I were able to spend 2 whole days together...it was awesome. I stuck to my gym routine and I am so glad to be in a more positive mind-set. I still don't love to work out, but I am really relishing the feeling I get when I jog. I am only able to do it for a minute, then I walk to recover. But in a 35 minute treadmill session I jog 5 minutes, just not all at once. Either way, I am proud of myself and I know that I can do this. I was able to log a 2lb. loss last week and am looking forward to another one when I get home this morning. My little goals are starting to look very attainable. I have found that browsing the internet for clothes I would like to buy in a few months is another source of motivation!

Day 3 at the Gym

So far so good, huh? I can't believe that I didn't talk myself out of going to the gym for 3 days in a row. In fact, I had a little breakthrough tonight. I was walking on the treadmill and sort of experimenting with speed, stride length, etc. I figured out that I could walk faster longer with shorter strides. Suddenly I realized the gym was empty and without even thinking about it I started to jog!! I only did it for a minute, but I did it. I walked for a few minutes after that then I did it again for another 45 seconds. I was so proud of myself. All over one little minute. But now I know I can do it and I WILL be able to do it more and more as time goes by. I almost cried. Then I thanked God for giving me the strength to do it. It really was a GOd thing because the whole time I was walking I kept thinking to myself it would be a while before I was in any shape to try jogging. Then all of a sudden I was doing it. I can't describe the feeling. I think I finally feel like this is the time that weight loss is going to last.

I Did It!!

Well, I kept my word and I went to the gym today. I did not go when I left work yesterday morning as I had planned. I was feeling very fussy after fighting with my chemistry analyzers for 2 hours. All I wanted to do was go crawl in bed, which I did. I woke up earlier than usual and Stephen asked me to meet him for lunch. I decided that if I was going to lunch, I would HAVE to go to the gym afterward...and I did! I know it's just one day and that continuing to exercise is whats always been my downfall, but I am feeling pretty determined. And as an added bonus my sweet husband came up to the hospital tonight just to bring me a beautiful yellow rose...for his best friend. He really is my best friend, and the best husband ever.

Feeling Positive

I started logging my points again today and am even thinking about going to the gym when I get off at 7 a.m. It sure won't kill me to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes before I head home. This whole change of attitude came from a simple conversation with Stephen about cooking! We will be heading to the Frio River in July and are planning the meal we will be cooking for his family. Each couple takes a night to feed the entire family. Just thinking about being at the Frio sort of jolted me back to reality. I have some goals that I am not going to reach if I don't start exercising! One of those goals is to be simply be more comfortable with myself when we go to the river. It's a real bummer to HATE getting in the river because of how ashamed you are of your body. It's a shame to feel like you have to wear 3/4 inch sleeves and blue jeans in July because you can't wear a sleevless shirt and shorts. SO, I am feeling the determination seeping back into my veins. Looking forward to June and a pretty sundress!

Time Flies

It's been over a week so I figure I better get back on the blogging horse. It's been an eventful week but not a fun one. It started with a torrential downpour that flooded 2 of my cars. It took 2 days to dry and clean one of them. The second one was about to get some attention on the 3rd day after the rain but I got an aweful chest cold that I still haven't gotten over. It's a good thing I didn't get to clean my other little car up though because we got another flooding rain last friday and it got water in it again. I was at work and had to wade out into our ER parking lot to move the mustang before IT flooded a second time. Either way now I am certain that anytime there is a chance for rain it's gonna flood and I am going to end up wet, trying to rescue cars. It's not been fun. Being sick helped me lose a few lbs but I have not been following my WW eating plan properly. I've just been lazy but I am ready to start again. I hit the -25 lbs mark and its slowing down, as it did before. That's my fault. I just can't seem to get motivated to exercise. I've used the whole "i'm sick" excuse for a week now. Poor me! Poor me! I just don't know what to do.

Weight Watchers and the Graveyard Shift

After reading a post by Jason, a terrific weight-loss/weight-management blogger, I thought I would talk about what makes Weight Watchers work for me. It's very simple, I plan ahead. I am usually successful when I make it a point to plan my meals and give myself lots of options. This means going to the grocery store with purpose and a list. I get lots of great ideas from the Weight Watchers message boards and from other weight loss bloggers. For me getting bored = falling off the program. I stared Weight Watchers in September of 07 after attending a dear friend's wedding at the Frio River, then seeing the pictures afterward. I was tired of missing out on fun, active things because of aches and pains and fear of failing. I did very well for about 6 months. Then I started a new wonderful job working the graveyard shift. I found that when things got a little slow in the lab at night, or when I got sleepy, grumpy, homesick for my husband, etc. etc. it made things easier to eat ALL NIGHT LONG. Bye bye Weight Watchers, hello cake balls (WARNING, if you have never had a cake ball please stay away from them). I gained back 15 of the 32 lbs. I had lost. I went nuts! It was crazy for my body to be awake at night, crazy to sleep during the day...but that's all over now. And to get back to where I started, I have found it immensely necessary to find and use quick, easy recipes to keep my food interesting. Oh, and to bring plenty of healthy snacks to work at night. Tonight I tried Sara's Crock Pot taco Chicken in a burrito with fat free re fried beans and cucumber with lots of hot salsa It was great! Well, I'm off to get ready for our morning run of specimens.

Another LONG night

Only 3 more nights to go and then I will be happily taking my full 7 days off. The weekends are tough because I don't get to see my sweet husband except for when I crawl into the bed in the morning. But after Sunday it's all downhill. I decided I would make hime Easter dinner today even if it was just for him and his buddy. Popped a ham in the oven before I fell asleep and then woke up 4 hours later to take it out. Tried desperatly to get back to sleep but it just wasn't happening. So on top of being worn out from the last few days I am tired as well. And I didn't eat on program. Well, I stayed within my points but I didn't eat breakfast and that always makes me just ravenous when I actually do eat. I am looking forward to really tracking my points well this week in hopes of a nice 2 or 3 lb. loss by friday. I have been steadily losing a lb. a week but would really like to see a little more this week. The problem is I am not exercising. I just don't understand why this is so hard for me. My heel spurs are always going to hurt, i'm just going to have to live with that. I'm just LAZY. My honey says he is going to take me to the driving range friday, to see if perhaps I could get excited about playing golf. It would be great for both of us! And he even seems excited about teaching me which I find bizzare because I am not a patient learner. I hope I get into it. I want to do something active, but something fun, something I will really look forward to doing.

He is Risen!

Good morning! Happy Easter...He is risen! Praise God for His great miracle today. May your spirit be renewed with the knowledge that your Savior lives. I hope it's a great day of worship, family and friends. I will be worshipping God by renewing myself with sleep as I have worked another 12 hour night and will do it again for 4 more nights.

Easter

Well, it's Easter Eve and I am working. I am trying to focus on the true meaning of this holiday. It really should be the most important celebration to Christians. I would like to be able to spend it with family but since I am in the middle of my 7 on its just not possible. So I am tying to reflect on the very intimate nature of my relationship with Christ. It's so hard to understand the love God has for us. I think about it often. Why does He love me so much that he would let Jesus suffer so terribly? What kind of love does that? It makes me ashamed, too. I do not live every moment thankful of this incredible sacrifice. I wish I did, but I don't. I am usually too wrapped up in me myself and I to consider how good life is and more importantly how wonderful God is. I am just glad He understands me, because I don't think it's possible to understand Him. But He doesn't ask us to understand, does He? He just asks us to believe and to have faith. So rather than feel sorry for myself for not getting to go to church and visit with family in the morning, I am going to think about Jesus and what He did, what we commemorate and celebrate on Easter...that He is risen, He is risen indeed.

Climbing out of a funk

Tonight is my first night back on my regular schedule at work. It's nice to be here with my friends. It's just the three of us here in the lab. We keep the radio on loud and chit chat while we work. I'm a lucky duck for sure. I couldn't ask for two better chicas to spend my working hours with. I have been in such a funk the last few days. There is really no reason for it except that I was very lazy the past few days and I had every intention of working out. I only managed to do it one day. I am disappointed in myself. I just don't understand why I can't get motivated. I'm slowly healing from the whole "Jose Cruz Pic" incident so I can't exactly use that as and excuse anymore. My honey and I talked about him teaching me to play golf sometime. I really want to find something I will love, something I will look forward to and not dread doing. He loves golf and is really very good. I'm sure he could teach me. It would be something fun for us to do together. I truly need a hobby other than cooking. I'm doing good tracking my points again and trying to be creative and quick when planning my meals. And though I know I could be doing better by getting more activity in my schedule, I am proud that I have lost another lb. Never give up!

Feeling really low

So, it would seem that keeping up with my little project is going to be more of a challenge on my 7 days off. I didn't actually take my regular 7 days off though so this may just be temporary. Truth be told, I have been very bummed out and I haven't wanted to think about my new fabulous healthy lifestyle at all. I haven't even tracked my points for the last 2 days. Haven't wanted to. Haven't cared. It all started with a picture I took last Saturday with Astros legend Jose Cruz.
I wanted to get something signed for Stephen and wanted a picture with Jose Cruz, former Houston Astro, to give my Dad for Fathers Day. I went and stood in line for an hour, very excited to meet him and get Stephen's World Series ball signed. Cruz didn't play in the World Series, of course. But he was coaching so that was cool enough for me! I thought I looked cute, but the picture told a very different story. I chose a very unflattering shirt. I looked terrible. And to make it worse Jose Cruz was looking down at the ball he had just signed instead of looking at the camera. I guess he was a little impressed that I had a World Series ball instead of just a regular ball. Either way, I looked terrible. Even the sweetest reassurances of my loving husband could not cure this for me. I have lost 17 lbs since starting back on Weight Watchers in late January so I was hoping for a semi-decent picture. Now, I am not one of those women who always hates pictures of herself. Despite my waistline, I know I can take a good picture every now and then...this just wasn't one of those times.

Golf Tournament

Yesterday Stephen took me to the Shell Houston Open. Now, I am not really a Golf fan. But Stephen is and I am Stephen's biggest fan. I always enjoy going to a golf course because they are typically very pretty, very serene. This was at Redstone, and it was really beautiful. I can't remember the last time I saw grass sooooo very green! We saw a few popular guys: Ernie Els, Camillo Villegas and Anthony Kim. These guys are really good. They make the game look so effortless. And as predicted we walked alot. I have bone spurs on my heels and it was painful walking but I was glad for the exercise, glad for the fresh air and sunshine, and glad to be with my sweet husband. I got a funky little sunburn, and it even sort of feels good. Today I was terribly lazy and only accomplished a short trip to the grocery store. Made chicken and dumplings for Stephen and Fro for dinner. I ate it too of course which cost me more points than I wanted to eat but after yesterday I felt like I deserved it. That is pretty warped thinking isn't it? I really do have mental issues when it comes to food. Why can't I reward myself with a pedicure? Zero points and God knows I need one. Either way, I tracked my points and am starting over again tomorrow. One day of chicken and dumplings didn't make me fat....years of them did.

Shell Houston Open

Today is the first of my 7 days off. Normally this day almost doesn't exist because I'm exhausted and I sleep most of it away. Today I was very productive though. I cleaned for 4 HOURS! I am counting that as activity. I feel like I really accomplished something. I am not much of a housekeeper so this really is a big deal for me. Tomorrow is Stephen and my date day. He is taking me to the Shell Houston Open! I am really excited. We will get to see a beautiful golf course, some famous golfer's and we will get lots of activity as it entails quite a bit of walking. It will be very fun. We're hoping to hook up with his Dad and Stepmother for dinner. Glad I saved my 35 weekly points....I plan on enjoying them after all that walking. Hey, maybe I will even take some pictures!

LAST NIGHT!!!

It's the last night of my seven on. It's the most exhilarating feeling bordering on the butterflies you got as a child on the last day before Spring Break. I don't have to be back here for 7 whole days! Yippee! Uh, I usually don't have to be back here for 7 days but I did pick up a few extra hours next week. But they are teeny tiny hours compared to my normal 11 or 12 hour shift. I did well with my eating yesterday. Stayed within my daily points even with eating Taco Bell Fresca tacos. They were actually very good and only 3 pts. each. I haven't gone to the grocery store during my 7 on this time and my sweet hubby was tired of chicken which is all I had. We are both really looking forward to being off on Friday. We typically get one whole day each week where neither of us has to work. I asked him if we could do something active on our "date" since the weather is going to be nice and he has been hinting that he ha a very special day planned. He is the sweetest. He deserves a wife who can be active and healthy. And I deserve to be active and healthy! I have some big goals to reach this year so I really have to get dedicated to being active.

Pictures

Ok, to be fair the profile picture is not me...its a butterfly. I am not a butterfly, I assure you. I will work on getting some older pictures from before I started WW as well as a few current ones in the next few days. It's hard to wake up in the after noon and hop on the computer when I just want to be lazy until I have to leave for work. That's part of my problem. I can't seem to get motivated to start moving my body. I have the best of intentions, then things start to hurt and I get scared I am going to hurt myself to the point of needing knee surgery at the ripe ole' age of 33. Silly, sure, but I wouldn't think it if a doctor hadn't said "Hey, be careful!" Anywhooo, going to try and get some work done so I can fool around later as long as ER doesn't go and get busy on us. So far so good.

Morning run

No, that doesn't mean I am going out for a jog! At least not yet. We are about to get busy here at work as the night/morning comes to a close. I am very excited about my blog. That is probably pretty evident as I am posting a second time tonight/this morning on the very same day/night that I created the silly thing. I am looking forward to heading home in a few hours, crawling into bed and closing my peepers just as the sun starts to rise. Tomorrow night is our last night of our 7 on...YIPPEE!! It's the best night of the week. Thanks to you guys for taking a peek at what I am doing here. I am going to try to get some pics up by tomorrow night. Have a super day!

Getting started

Well, after 2 months of mulling it over I have finally decided to start a weight-loss blog. It has been so inspiring (and often entertaining) to read the blogs of people who have battled food addictions, eating disorders and life-long weight issues. This is going to be a challenge for me though. As a teenager I tried many times to write daily in a diary. It rarely lasted more than 2 weeks. I tried again at the beginning of this year. I even bought myself a very pretty, very girly journal...lasted a month. So now I am going to try it online. Why? Because I spend too much time online trying to find something interesting to read. Now it's up to me to be interesting. Plus I hope to be able to post lots of before and after pictures along the way. And pictures of my cats too because they make me smile. My Sweetheart takes lots of pics of the kitties while I am at work and sends them to me so that I don't feel so homesick. I am doing WW, and have lots of faith in it. Perhaps the faith should be in myself? Hmm. That sounds like something to blog about. Well, I have lots of goals for the next year and I am hoping this blog will keep me accountable. I hope to get to know lots of you, stay more in touch with those who I already have the privilege to know and love. But more than anything I hope to learn and learn more about myself along the way. TTFN.